Interview
Esther Bigfoot
Native to the backwoods of New York City, Esther Bigfoot is an emergent phenomenon, fictional character, qualified educator, and essential worker. Esther creates embodied not irrational art, bypassing the conscious mind. Esther serves the the consciousness of love in action. Esther is here today and gone tomorrow.
What is your background and how did you start your journey in the art world?
“My origin story is like Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Ugly Duckling” but set in a war zone. My mettle was tested early in a painful initiation process that was ultimately for the best. That’s all that’s worth mentioning about it and the identity politics game is cringey. I only started posting my work regularly on Instagram a few months ago even though I had been plugging away at my art practice for decades before this sudden eruption of public sharing. This was brought on by an irrational and unshakeable conviction that the timing is now right. As any artist knows, inspiration can be unreliable. It’s a delicate, slippery, precarious sort of relationship. It must be coaxed and never forced. Cultivating it requires a huge investment of energy. And those times of creative famine when I felt without direction instilled a strong respect for my muses. The boundless motivation I’m harnessing now didn’t come about by accident- but to explain how that happened isn’t for here. My priority is just to keep up with all I’m trying to download and translate. The right group of people will discover my work at the right time. Regardless of what happens going forward, whether the art resonates for many or only a few- it has an undeniable inherent value. I don’t need to justify what I’m doing or explain why. Am I destined for some sort of acknowledgement from the gatekeepers- who the hell knows? Will I keep on creating regardless? Definite yes on that one. I’m too curious and working on too many ongoing long-term projects. The seeking and finding keeps me feeling alive. Walking the edge between entropy and order is a skill that can be endlessly practiced and refined.”
What inspires you?
“Faith. I’m a believer. I need a clear, crisp sense of resonance with what I’m doing because labor without love becomes an exhausting slog. If it’s true, kind and useful - if it fulfills all 3 requirements- then I know it’s right to move in that direction. Anything else and I have to steer clear, or I end up harming myself. I had to find joy first in my body. The body always keeps score on how we’re really doing and human civilization has been dominated by fear-based systems of thinking for a long time. Getting to the source of my inspiration has been a process of unlearning all the ways I had been distorting information through the lens of trauma. As I healed emotional/physical blockages holistically, I became more embodied and comfortable in my skin. It’s so much more difficult to turn on natural creativity when anxious or depressed. It’s also impossible to both ruminate and be in a flow state making something. Ultimately, the more I’m doing, making, being, resting, relaxing, moving and the less said about it the better it is for everyone.”
What themes do you pursue? Is there an underlying message in your work?
“I attempt to express dimensions of reality that lie just beyond the 5 senses. I hope my work inspires others to look at waking life more symbolically. 3D physical reality is just like a dream in the sense that it carries its own embedded meanings we can decode. Patterns and synchronicities unfold into a language of personal archetypes we can use as a reference tool for interpretation. We have no idea what consciousness is really but all I can make of it is that consciousness is the primary reality- everything, every particle is brimming with that light. I believe in the version of quantum physics that explains how the observation of consciousness is making what is merely energetic appear to be physical. When we factor in the filtering impact of each perception- the only way to remove distortion is to account for coexisting multiplicities of interpretation. The X or cross comes up a lot in my symbology because its an indication of a crossroads or liminal in-between state. The intersection between the astral and physical worlds is the best position to dream or create from. Why? The threshold space is significant because when you’re there there is no there there. In Zen Buddhism this is called “Don’t know mind.” The radical teaching is to disrupt long held assumptions, routines taken for granted, etc. When you’re not anywhere or anyone you can occupy a place where you’re completely unformed and ego-less. That’s the ideal standpoint for making some real magic happen.”
How would you describe your work?
“Repetition of a theme allows me to explore lots of permutations of the same idea over and over obsessively. This provides a structural orderliness, a container to hold my energy, along with a sense of continuity. Laying out that groundwork helps me to intuit how much of a loose or tight grip to use and when to let go. Certain forms and images become grounding or activating mantras. I’m a printmaker at heart and I keep coming back to slight variations in basic shapes to pull the uncanny out of familiar geometry. Each is a formulation that becomes both artifact and proof of fidelity. Within the mixed media collages are strategic omissions cut precisely from vinyl alongside echoes and whispers shaped by gelatin, chance and variability. Imprinted mercurial colors and textures provide a spaciousness for vinyl stickers to condense. A tactile mode of perception is generated by incisions and layers. Removal forms an opposite and equal reaction. Pressure and resistive forces sandwich together materials in a singular direct contact event. They are a conversation in forward and reverse with each punched out manipulated form highlighting its own paradoxical duality.”
Which artists influence you most?
“The thinkers that have most informed my practice have been Helena Petrovna Blavatsky and Ken Wilbur’s Integral Theory + his Four Quadrant model. My art resides within this framework and follows in the Theosophical lineage. My art operates by providing imagery for ‘Thought Forms’- originally a book and set of concepts written and popularized by Annie Bessant, early suffragist and protégé of H.P. Blavatsky. These ideas very likely informed the early revolutionary abstract painting experiments of Hilma af Klint. In fact, some of my favorite contemporary esoteric artists are the feminist collective Hilma’s Ghost, co-founded by Danielle Tegeder and Sharmistha Ray. I use their Abstract Futures tarot deck and the Niki de Saint Phalle deck all the time. I’ve also been collaborating with Pamela Coleson Smith on my own full set of tarot cards- *still in the works. Dr. Mahbobe Ghods was my brilliant printmaking teacher and mentor during my time as a grad student at Columbia Teachers College. Donna Dennis was another distinguished mentor who advised me while earning a bachelors in sculpture at S.U.N.Y. Purchase. Dennis recently had a marvelous and haunting exhibition of her sculptures: Houses and Hotels on view at O'Flaherty's in the East Village. I’m very lucky to have been guided by these two creative grand dames. Recently, I discovered and attended one of Sound Artist Ellen Fullman’s performances. Hearing her profound long string instrument immediately sent my brain into alpha waves, elicited shifts in my consciousness and updated my energetic field. Seeing her play live is a life changing opportunity.”
“Faith. I’m a believer. I need a clear, crisp sense of resonance with what I’m doing because labor without love becomes an exhausting slog.”
What is your creative process like?
“Sometimes it can take awhile to feel like yourself. I finally hit my stride after a lifetime of consistent face-planting. Artmaking is a compulsion I can’t shake so I don’t try to fight it anymore. I rely on forms of divination to enhance my process- my leaden Webster’s Encyclopedic Unabridged English Dictionary, divining rods- or whatever makes sense at the time. Gelatin becomes like ectoplasm when used as a matrix for monotype printmaking. I love sculpting lanterns with cheesecloth and rice paper to illuminate my home. Some specific materials, i.e.: handmade paper, aluminum foil and vinyl stickers, paired with certain techniques have become sacrosanct for me over time. Since the artwork is the vessel that carries the DNA of my personal vernacular I feel proud and protective about it. The last thing I want is to wrestle it down, capture it and resolve it into something static. The process comes alive by maintaining a state of grace. I fail at it often but never get completely discouraged. Those physical concrete aesthetic choices made in response to thoughtforms become an artifact like the minutes from a meeting with something beyond the rational.”
What is an artist’s role in society and how do you see that evolving?
“Artists are the unflinching trailblazers, alchemists and truth tellers. We need both a healthy respect for AND a willingness to defy convention. We help others to feel and see the world differently. Each in our own way plays an important role in expanding collective knowledge. A healthy and diverse microbiome of artistic voices is essential to the health of our species and our future evolution. Pluralism and variety makes us all stronger. I think the crucial work for an artist- and for anyone- is to develop an authentic voice. A unique communication style emerges from sensitive observation paired with a brutal honesty with oneself. I’ve found that honesty is cultivated by quieting down external noise and diving into introspection. Getting outside of constant distraction, wrestling with the submerged disowned unhealed horrifying parts of ourselves is how to grow. It seems so often a big jump in emotional literacy is precipitated by some sort of crisis. A crisis can also create an artist if we weren’t one before. When we take accountability for the choices we’ve made, especially the mistakes- we get an opportunity to say- hey wait, I’ve been a total arsehole and I need to change! Asking the tough questions is how we grow into our truest selves. The lifelong process means remaining open to feedback while still retaining our independence and resourcefulness. Self assessment is the most essential skill they don’t teach you in school. It's the same one that gives us the ability to update our operating systems so we can keep evolving into better versions of ourselves. Becoming more adept at it means we find out we can access more and more creative life force energy to devote toward whatever we decide is our life’s purpose. What I had to discover was that doing the dreaded shadow work and making a concerted effort toward self actualization is essential. Learning about our own strengths and limitations, feeling into what genuinely repels and attracts us is how we become intimately familiar with who we are. In this way we can’t help but become someone completely original.”
Have you had any noteworthy exhibitions you'd like to share?
“So far, I’ve been honored to have my artwork showcased alongside some other very talented artists in several group exhibitions but my most noteworthy shows haven’t happened yet. Last month, I experienced one of the most unforgettable exhibitions of my life. Not only was her M.o.M.A. Retrospective magnificently complicated and spectacular- but I was dumbstruck when Joan Jonas, described by the New York Times as “one of America’s most elusive artists,” happened to show up in person to give an impromptu tour while I was visiting. Beautiful synchronicities like this force me to hold back tears of gratitude in public. Demonstrating what a lifetime of staying fiercely true to oneself looks like, dog in tow and pointing at masks, props, chachkas and video pieces with her cane, Jonas spontaneously created an intimate performance for us right there. At age 87, with clarity and zero sentimentality, she allowed her gaggle of curator pals and our lucky group of M.o.M.A. visitors direct insight into her intentions, hopes, influences, obsessions and tastes. Throughout her varied career, her methodology retains a consistent spirit of playful experimentation, innovation and fearlessness that is truly inspirational.”
